The Truth Wears Sideburns
The Truth Wears Sideburns is a bizarre independent art-film, made by Joan of Arc in "Film Fest: Tears of a Clone". The movie stars Joan of Arc and her relationship with a thinly-veiled insert of Abe Lincoln, named "Gabe".



The Truth Wears Sideburns has many symbolic and metaphorical references to Joan's love for Abe.

  • The title refers to Abe's sideburns.
  • Joan saying, "Whisper, whisper. Hush, hush" resembles how she keeps her love for Abe secret.
  • The pocket watch indicates time is passing.
  • The cherry pie rotting and turning into maggots could be a reference to Joan's virgin reproductive system going 'unutilized'.
  • The dead bird at the picnic could mean a number of things, such as a poisonous environment or a romantic picnic that never happened.
  • "Céline Dion-a-thon, Céline Dion-a-thon" may refer various love songs that Joan has listened to in thinking about Abe or feeling sorry for her situation.
  • The top hat blowing in the wind in front of an Egyptian setting symbolizes Abe losing his identity to Cleo.
  • The cherry pie is restored and turns into a rose, which soon bursts into flames.
  • Joan's coughing could resemble her love sickness.
  • The bag pipe and steaming kettle symbolize Abe's scrotum and ejaculating penis.
  • Slapping the watermelon is a refernce to either Abe playfully slapping Cleo's ass, or her boob. The high-pitch of the slapping sound, indicates how the watermelon isn't ripe, or how Cleo's not a virgin.